A Growing Phenomenon -






By Dr. David Weston

" I find it secretly exciting to think that a very respectable looking housewife like me could be doing something like this."

From an e-mail account

     Although accurate statistics are impossible, there is evidence that that a growing number of middle-class housewives are secretly working as prostitutes.

Many do it for the age-old motivation of money, especially during these economic times.

However, some women admit they do it to add excitement and adventure to previously mundane lives.

Some, like "Kathy" in the case history below, work through an intermediary that screens the men and arranges the "dates."

Others cultivate personal contacts and referrals and make use of the Internet with its many specialized sites.

Men are also known to prostitute their wives to achieve personal and professional goals.

Surprisingly, many men also fantasize about their wives and girlfriends servicing select men. This is partly responsible for new category of urban sex: hotwives.

Although they are not yet "housewives," it may not be unrelated that, in recent years we have seen a 70% rise in white, teenage, middle-class prostitutes.

 We also must keep in mind that prostitution fantasies are not uncommon in women.

Here, there may be a mixture of motivations, including adventure, danger, and flouting traditional moral restraints.

" I can supply men with something they want, satisfy them, and make them grateful. ...I like doing that for them."

From an e-mail account


Case Study: Kathy

Kathy is a housewife prostitute  — or at least she was when this interview took place. 

She is one of thousands of women in the United States who engage in prostitution, either because of a financial need or (in the case of Kathy) simply a need to break free from what was seen as a boring and confining life.

At the end of the section, I'll explain my attempted intervention.

 Kathy was an attractive woman of about 30 who had enjoyed an active social life in high school and college.

 She was a high-energy person and a former cheerleader who craved constant activity. She married into money as a bit of a trophy wife, and suddenly her life changed dramatically.

According to Kathy, her husband didn't want children, and being financially well off and the old-fashion type, he didn't want her to work.

She said that she had left all her friends in another city when she got married, and she was, in her words, "stuck at home with nothing to do Monday through Friday except simple housekeeping chores and watching TV."

On weekends her husband was primarily interested in catching up on his work and watching sports on TV.

Occasionally he would show her off at professional gatherings, during which time she was expected to be very proper and lady-like.

According to Kathy,

There was this friend of [my husband], a next-door neighbor, who used to come over and watch the games with [my husband].

He was divorced...and by looking out the window I could see that different women visited him.

Kathy said he was an insurance agent and worked mostly out of his home,  According to Kathy these women didn't look like they were there to buy insurance.

 Well, this one day when a woman showed up, when he wasn't there -- I guess they got their schedules mixed up or something --  I got curious and I went out on my driveway to get a better look at her, pretending to be checking on some of my flowers.

After ringing his doorbell for a while, she saw me and walked over and asked if I knew where he was.

I didn't, but I said that he was probably just held up a bit, and I invited her to my house to wait.

...She reluctantly agreed, we had coffee, and after about 15 minutes she wanted to leave, but I kept her there with coffee and pie, and we ended up talking for well over an hour.

When I asked her about her relationship with my neighbor, she was evasive.

I had already guessed what was going on and I hinted as much. By that time we had sort of become friends. At the same time she wouldn't tell me her full name or where she lived.

After a bit, the atmosphere changed, she looked me over and said I was beautiful and that a lot of guys would pay real money to spend a little time with me.

I just laughed and blurted out that it would sure add a bit of excitement to my dull life.

I didn't know if she was serious or not, but I guess she suddenly saw me as a possible business opportunity. She then sort of hinted about what some of the other housewives did, including the "off-the-books" money they made, which in some cases, she said, ran into six figures.

She looked around, "I guess you don't need the money, but maybe you could use some excitement in your life."

She assured me that the guys she knew were successful businessmen who just came into town for a day or two and called on very select suburban housewives for afternoon diversion.

She said to provide these men with the variety they demanded, she was always in need of new women.

After a while she said, "Why don't you give me your phone number."

I told her that I would be afraid I would get some sort of a weirdo or something.

I was sort of giving her a good-bye speech. I had already found out what I wanted to know, but she had already gotten rather interested in the possibility of me working for her.

I chalked it up as just an interesting experience, but within a week I got a call from her and she said she wanted me meet a man.

I strongly objected, but she said, "Just talk to him; he's an interesting person."

Before I could object again, she said, "He knows you are new and he's already on his way over."

I felt trapped so I just asked her to tell me about him. She knew a lot, and none of it sounded bad.

When he got there, we toured the house, talked more, and eventually ended up in the guestroom, where there's mostly just a bed.

He definitely had a way about him (I think he was especially selected to get me started in this) and as we were standing there talking, he started rubbing my shoulders and stuff, and before long I had made up my mind to see what it would be like.

Frankly, he was a lot better than my husband in bed and I ended up enjoying it.

...I felt really guilty the next day, but with my husband mostly ignoring me, it had been a long time since anyone had made love to me like he did.

I figured this was all part of her plan. She knew that once I had sex with a guy, that door would be open.

After a couple days I got a call from another guy, and I checked on him too, and the woman assured me that she wouldn't give anyone my number unless the person was okay. So I invited him over and had sex with him.

"It's simply a matter of deciding you are going to do it and then letting it happen.

"After a while, you get past your hang-ups about doing stuff with men, even men you just met."

...After about the sixth guy, I would just talk a guy for a while on the phone, make sure he had been recommended, and then give him my address.

At first, just giving yourself to a guy you just met goes against everything you believe [in]....

But, after a while, it just becomes what you are expected to do, what you have decided to do....

...I like having the issue of sex already settled.

There are no games or stalling tactics like there used to be in college...stuff that women are expected to do.

We both know what's about to happen, it's just a matter of how we'll go about it, and that makes things a lot simpler all around.

I used to have guys after me all the time and sex wouldn't come until after a few dates. Now we get to sex right away and they pay a lot of money for it.

Afterwards, we often sit and talk for a while.

I often sit nude on the couch with a towel under me. The guys like that and that's probably one of the things that keeps them coming back.

Sometimes, looking at me they want to go around again, but I tell them, "next time."

"I find it exhilarating to have this secret life going. have a recommended guy I have never met call me, and then to invite him over.

 We both know that I'm making myself available for sex. It's kind of scary and exciting...."

...I kind of like to see the expression on a guy's face when he sees me at the door for the first time and he really approves of what he sees.

For starters, we have a beautiful house with a large pool and Jacuzzi and all. And then seeing me there, and knowing that I'm a 'sure thing'....well most men just want to get me into bed before it all goes away....

"Two strangers meeting and immediately having sex; that's kind of awesome when you think about it."

 I remember once a guy was...[making love to] me and my husband called.

The guy figured out who it was and I think he sort of enjoyed the fact that he was [making love to] me while I was talking to my husband.... It was surreal!

...I guess doing this is also sort of my revenge for leaving me stranded at home.

...Maybe the guys are using me, but I'm also using them....

And, I'm probably easier to live with, because  I've quit complaining about how boring my life is.

I sort of get a kick out of going to one of my husband's parties, looking so proper and all.

 If they only knew that this '"proper little lady"' was [having sex with] different guys every week.

...I opened up a secret bank account for the money just in case my husband finds out and divorces me, or something....

After the end of the first year -- not even a full year -- my share of things was $58,000. I'm told I'm worth more than some of the other girls.

...Some of the guys refer their friends to me, so in those cases I keep all the money for myself.

I see guys most every afternoon ...It didn't take long before I was on my way to a six-figure income.

Oh, yes, I forgot -- the guy next door figured things out after a couple weeks, and he came over and confronted me.

I didn't have much choice, so I tried to make an agreement with him. I would make myself available to him whenever he wanted so I had to agree to that.

Actually, I didn't mind that; we sort of have fun together.

Plus, he acts as...a lookout for my husband when I'm with a man.

A couple times he has called me when my husband came home early, just in case I was with a man.

Sometimes in the afternoon when I don't have a date, I grab my cell and go over and spend the afternoon with him in his pool or Jacuzzi.

I guess he knows he has a good thing going -- I mean with me right next door and free of charge and all -- and he doesn't want to see a good thing messed up.

Plus, for me it's good knowing that he's around, just in case anything happens, which, knock on wood, it never has....

...I guess I've been lucky in not getting caught, so maybe I should quit..

But, I don't know if I would ever be able to go back now to just housework and those boring TV shows....

 I mean, the sex part is mostly okay I guess, and I guess I like it that guys are hot for me.

And it's not the money -- I can't even spend that for fear of getting found out.

There is a bit of excitement -- maybe even danger -- in the whole thing, which can get sort of addictive....

Guys say I say that I have that wholesome, girl-next-door, look.

But even though I act prim and proper so that no one would suspect -- surprise! -- I spend more time having sex with men during the week than in doing housework.

Kathy has indeed been lucky in not getting caught in her dual life.

Sooner or later that luck will run out, and if her husband is like most, divorce will follow.

However, I should mention that a few husbands find out about their wife's activities and encourage them to continue -- either because of the money, because it keeps them occupied, or because he likes the idea of her servicing other men. 

In Kathy's case she had a husband that was so self-absorbed in his own world that he has been blind to her needs.

He apparently had no idea of the consequences of taking a very social and high-energy, woman away from a life of friends and social activities and try to force her to be a stay-at-home suburban housewife—"an ornament" in his career.

In a strange way by doing this, Kathy "adjusted" to her cloistered life.

Other "adjustments" I see include depression and alcoholism.

Kathy and I talked about all of the aspects of this. I told her that it's inevitable that sooner or later her husband is going to find out and that will probably be the end of her marriage.

And even if that doesn't happen, she has to realize that vice squads sometimes infiltrate prostitution rings.

Then, not only will she be arrested, but she, her husband, and both of their families will be humiliated -- plus, and she would end up with a criminal record.

As Kathy was leaving, I felt I might not see her again, so I launched into the next step, which would probably be even more difficult for her.

I sai, "Once you get that part of it settled, I think you need to have a long talk with your husband. That should include setting down some major changes in your marriage."

She dismissed it. "I've tried; he won't go for it."

"Kathy, given the serious nature of your situation, I don't think you should give him any options. You are responsible for your own survival."

"He won't go for it. I know him."

"Suggest marriage counseling."

She laughed. "For sure he wouldn't go for that."

"Then pack your bags and give him a few weeks to think about it. You have money and choices available. Most women don't have that option."

She was surprised. "That's pretty harsh. He has a lot of pride. God, does he have pride! What if he files for divorce?" I would lose everything; have to start over on my own." 

She thought about it. "I would prefer that things just go on the way they are. I mean, before I was in a cage and just taken out occasionally to be put on display. You don't know how that was.

And besides, who am I hurting?" My husband doesn't know about it, so he's okay. The men I'm with don't complain, my next-door neighbor doesn't complain, the guy at the bank doesn't complain, and, frankly, it's a lot more interesting than my old life."

She got up to leave. "I guess I some thinking to do."

"We can talk about it next time."

She cancelled her next appointment and I didn't see her again.

In retrospect, it seems clear that Kathy is not sufficiently motivated to change without being forced to by some crisis.

The problem is when that crisis happens, it will undoubtedly be too late to do anything to fix it.

  • Since this was written we've gotten feedback saying that any husband "that wasn't brain-dead" would soon pick up the clues that his wife was "an afternoon prostitute." Here is an experiment that seems to disprove this.

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