Hotwives / Cuckold Husbands -

Understanding the

Cuckold Husband

Part I

Even though it may seem strange to her and totally contrary to expected male attitudes, it's essential that the wife understand the motivation of her cuckold husband.

     Throughout this discussion we're assuming the new definition of cuckold husband. 

For the cuckold husband his wife's sexual pleasures and experiences may be his vicarious sexual pleasures and experiences.

Elsewhere, we refer to the shared experience motivation This comes from a husband watching his wife's sexual pleasure. Some men say that watching their wife build to a climax with another man is more enjoyable than having sex themselves.

Other cuckold husbands put the focus on the man involved, watching him use his wife for his sexual pleasure. Not only does it involve sex, one of the most stirring human experiences, but also something presumably very close to him, his wife.

The fact that they are doing something that's taboo adds to the intensity of the experience.

      There are several explanations for a man's desire to share his wife.  An evolutionary one is explained at the end of this e-mail. Other motivations can be found on this site.

 

How a Wife Can Recognize

A Cuckold Husband

       First, he may admit -- generally after a few years of marriage -- that he fantasizes about her in bed with another man.

She may find that he gets turned on when she talks about her past sexual encounters --  especially if they include explicit details. (Women tend to think about the romantic elements; men the physical elements.) 

         She shouldn't be surprised if he encourages her to wear revealing clothes on some occasions to catch the attention of men and to send a message. 

He probably doesn't want her to openly 'come on' to other men, but to just subtly send the signal, 'I'm easy.'

As we've noted in previous chapters, the hotwife will have her own motivations for wanting sexual freedom. The cuckold husband's motivations will typically be quite different.

       Some assume that the cuckold husband wants to degrade his wife or turn her into a kind of slut.

Although it's hard to entirely rule out this type of motivation, we know from our correspondence that most of these husbands love their wives, and with a "do unto others" motivation, want them to enjoy new sexual experiences.

         From our feedback it seems that another motivation is to see the wife break through the sexual barriers and taboos that are common in our society. According to one man, "Although I know women aren't like this, I like to think that there is a hidden, 'I love to fuck men.' side of my wife just below the surface -- sort of a caged tiger or cougar that wants to come out."

        It should not come as a surprise that after a wife with limited sexual experience has sex with several lovers, she becomes much less inhibited about sex. Her new spirit of sexual adventure will undoubtedly be brought into the married couple's bedroom and sexual conversations. This is part of the goal of cuckold husbands.

Although the cuckold husband is married to her and has seemingly won the "competition" for her, just seeing other vying for her may seemingly  add to his status in having her.

Since he knows that she can say "yes" to men, he will probably go out of his way to keep her happy. Some (very secure) men like to encourage this type of competition, especially since they have, in a sense, already won it.

Meeting Vicarious Needs

         We can't rule out the issue of control.

Most (but not all) of today's cuckold husbands want to feel they are ultimately in control of their hotwives. Some want the power to have their wives sleep with certain men and not others.

According to one man:

My wife is shy and fears rejection, so she wants me to set things up for her. ...She says she needs to know from the start if the man wants to take her to bed, with none of the traditional "games" involved.

...Sometimes I'll see a man and picture him in bed with my wife. If I think it will be an  interesting physical match, I'll talk to him -- sometimes he doesn't know she's my wife -- and mention that she's easy to get into bed. 

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        The cuckold husband will probably want assurance that if he at any time suspects she's becoming emotionally involved with a lover, or if a sexual relationship seems to be negatively affecting the marriage, he can insist that she break it off -- and she will.

While some might feel these issues center in control, others will feel that they are simply necessary safeguards for the marriage.

        From a husband who watched his wife climax with another man --

At that moment they both looked like they were experiencing ecstasy and I was happy for them.

I love Sherry and I want her to be able to regularly experience this kind of intense pleasure.

Why should I let feelings of possessiveness or jealousy stand in the way?

         The following example gives more insight into the cuckold husband's feelings.

This husband said he came home to find his wife on the living room couch with a stud-looking guy that she had apparently just met. The two apparently didn't hear him come in and, "I didn't want to interrupt things, so I watched out of sight while things progressed."

Of course, how husbands react at this point illustrates how the husbands of hotwives differ from most husbands.

First, as they quietly talked for some time, the two of them started to touch.  Then they started to lightly kiss, and that soon led to deep-mouth kissing.  Soon, he pushed her down on the couch.

His hands then moved up under her clothes and I could see her expression change as she realized where this was headed... At the same time he was getting her hot, she knew she didn't have to push him away; she had permission to have sex with men she chose.

As he worked her, I could see my wife getting very turned on and starting to make her "don't stop" noises. Then, all their clothes came off. It was exciting to see my wife naked with a guy and very much wanting to go all the way.

...Once they started -- and it lasted a long time -- couldn't help but think how beautiful my wife looked having sex.

Fantasies that are "outside the norm" can spice up a relationship. (She undoubtedly has engaged in her own fantasies, so she shouldn't be judgmental.)

It is common for this type of husband to ask his wife if she would go to bed with a man he wants her to. For him it's exciting to have her promise she will, even if he has no intention of having her do it.

Pimp-Prostitute Complexes

         The husbands of some hotwives want to control who she does and doesn't have sex with. This can start with the question, "Would you go to bed with someone if I wanted you to?"

Yes, there are definite prostitute and pimp personalities looking for each other out there -- more than you might imagine. A well-known businessman regularly sets his wife up with clients for nights and weekends. They both claim it's "for business purposes."