Hotwives, Cuckold Husbands

Includes Female Led Relationships

With affairs taking place in about 50% of urban marriages, an argument can be made for sanctioned affairs that do not involve deceit and cheating. "

        Hotwife (hot wife) defined. A wife who stays committed to her husband but takes advantage of agreed on freedom to have sex with other men.

The hotwife (technically known as a solo nonmonogamous wife) may enjoy the attention of men, the freedom to pursue sexual partners, the excitement of new sexual experiences, and as a married women the "forbidden" nature of what she's doing.

" It has long been assumed that the sex drive in women is much lower than it is in men. However, when social and psychological restraints are removed, the female libido can be at least as strong in women as it is in men."
Dr. Ronny West

Many women today are attempting to free themselves from centuries of religion-based, male centered sexual suppression as originally dictated by early Jewish tribal law when wives were seen as a husband's property and had few rights.

Some wives immediately embrace the opportunity for sexual freedom. They miss their earlier experiences with dating, and now being a bit older and wiser about sex and relationships, want to again experience the attention of men -- especially men who know how to please a woman in bed.

Even so, for many women it's not about the sex as much as renewed intimacy and the excitement of new experiences.

According to some sources, fantasizing about watching a man have sex with his wife ranks among the top male fantasies.

The hotwife's husband, sometimes referred to as the cuckold husband (see below), gets vicarious sexual pleasure from his wife's sexual experiences.

At the same time, the price for this freedom may involve letting their husband control the nature of her affairs. This is generally seen by the wife as a small price to pay for sexual freedom while maintaining the advantages of the marriage.

      Although "promiscuous" has been commonly seen as a negative term, some women now let it be known that they meet the sexual needs of more than one man -- especially when the sexual interest (libido) of their primary partner has significantly declined.

Some women like to crash through propriety "cougar" style.

" She wants to hang onto the security of the marriage while being allowed to experience different lovers.

I let her, and I don't have to tell you how much she's loving that!

For my part, I like to picture my pretty little wife getting it from other men. "

- From e-mail

Some say the hotwife and cuckold husband behaviors ultimately spring from evolutionary needs. This file delves into the evolutionary motivations.

Today, there are scores of Internet sites devoted to wives looking for extramarital affairs.

Many porno sites feature photos of women clearly showing wedding rings while being photographed (often by their husbands) having sex with other men.

 Cuckold Husband Defined

This used to refer to unfortunate men whose wives were having secret affairs with men. Often, the husband was the last to know -- if he ever did.

However, today, cuckold more commonly refers to men who allow or even encourage their wives to have sex outside of the marriage.

" I like the fact that although she enjoys letting other men take her to bed she sticks by me and loves me more than any of them. I guess that's the real test of love and a marriage. "

From an email letter to the site


 In today's climate of increased sexual expectations and declining male libidos, many husbands can no longer meet their wife's sexual needs.

Under agreed upon conditions, more and more husbands are giving their wives permission to have purely sexual liaisons.

Some husbands report that a wife that regularly has sex (including outside of marriage, especially when sex within the marriage has diminished) is healthier and happier.

To make it clear that this is with her husband's approval, he may buy her a gold chain to wear on her right ankle. This signals to men in the know that, although married, she is free to have sex with other men.

Her husband trusts her to be careful and to keep him informed, generally by texts, about where she is, who she is with, and when he should expect her home.

" I like to see her come back from a date looking sexually satisfied and with that sexual glow that follows vigorous sex. "

From email


In recent years black-on-white sex (white women, black men) has greatly grown in popularity, starting as early as high school.

Some Internet sites have thousands of photos of attractive young white women with well-endowed black lovers.

" We have this agreement where she can go out on a date once a week and she can go to bed with the man if she wants. I don't want to know who he is, only that it's not the same guy all the time. ...I encourage her to wear sexy outfits when she goes out. "

from e-mail

quote bar

      According to one husband -


 "I definitely don't want to lose my wife, but I fantasize about her getting it from other men.

"...I guess I want it both ways.  A wife that is devoted to me, but a woman that loves sexual variety.

"Maybe it's a contradiction, maybe it's too much to hope for, or maybe it's against human nature, but I want our marriage to survive by totally trusting in love and not depending on sexual exclusivity.

"...I guess this is would be the ultimate test of love."

For a man It can also be the acid test for personal insecurities.

Related to these issues are some surprising research findings.

Female Led Relationships

For centuries men have socially and even legally dominated male-female relationships.

But, in a variety of ways and for a variety of reasons (and to the consternation of some conservative religions who feel that men should always be dominant in relationships) some men are willingly giving up this "headship" position, especially when it comes to sex.

This has spawned FLR, or female led relationships.

This quote summarizes this:

" I believe that in female led relationships the female partner has the inherent authority to take on other lovers while her male partner remains pledged exclusively to her. "


This, of course, turns the traditional male-female dynamic upside down and to date few men are willing to allow this switch. 

Even so, a growing number of husbands who find they can no longer be sexually aggressive within a marriage, are letting their wives be sexually aggressive with other men.

According to one husband, "I got her started with this, but now my wife likes the excitement of being free to have sex with other men."

According to one of these husbands, "She has lovers that she sees from time to time. I don't know who they are and I don't want to know.... They keep her sexually satisfied and on an even emotional keel and I'm okay with that."


Even so --

The vast majority of married couples have a need to see a partner as exclusively theirs. especially during the early years of the relationship.

Maybe society will evolve to the point where individuals are secure enough in themselves not to be threatened by the prospect of hotwives and open marriages. However, for the vast majority, that time is not now.

      At the same time, with affairs taking place in about 50% of urban marriages, an argument can be made for "sanctioned affairs" that do not involve deceit and "cheating."

 And, finally, then there is this: wives have been known to introduce the hotwife fantasy into a marriage, making a husband believe that it was his idea.

This can be the case when she wants to hang onto the security of the marriage while being allowed to have lovers.

We also can't leave out the motivation of "other men" -- the ones that find out she "will" and start pursuing her.

" I love checking into a motel with another man's wife, and I can see that she likes the excitement of secretly meeting a man for sex. "
From the article on whether a hotwife should wear
her wedding ring with she's out with another man


Although all of this may sound inviting, for reasons explained here, this road is fraught with major dangers for marriages and relationships.

Consensual adultery has more information on this topic.

       Some years ago when we first started writing about "hotwives," we decided that the term would be best as one word instead of "hot wives."

This would differentiate the term from this application: "The air conditioning was broken at the DAR meeting, which resulted in many hot wives" -- a distinction that DAR women would undoubtedly appreciate.